as he makes beautiful what he loves." -Ernest Renan
Life stuff called pain
Friday, April 17, 2009
“Life makes a lot of that stuff we called pain. But it is up to us on how we deal with it. If we keep running from it, we will never find true happiness that lies amidst the pain.”
I saw him from a far. In the middle of the party, a glint in his eyes shows boredom but tries to hide it with his famous lopsided grin that shows his gorgeous not so innocent looks.
I groan inwardly as one girl flirtatiously embraces his arm.
“Are you going to be always like this, Jelyka?”
Frowning at my friend who was standing beside me sipping champagne in a tall wine glass, I took one shallow breath.
“It was so tiring.”
“Then stop watching me.” I smirked at her.
“I can’t help it. I can’t stand mingling with other people while you’re here making your night miserable.”
“I am not miserable.”
“Yes you are. Why can’t you just approach him? You’ve been wanting to do that since we get here.” A bored looked was written in her place.
“Why can’t you just mind your own business?”
“Ah!” A fake surprise look replaces the boredom. “It has a lot to do with fear.”
“Fear for what?”
It was my turn to look bored. But it was all a cover up. The truth was I am really afraid. I am afraid of what to say or how to act in front of him. I am afraid I would make a great deal of fun out of me.
“Fear of whatever would be the outcome of your actions.”
I was taken off guard. I know she can see through my masks. Marigold has always been able to look behind my cover up.
“You can always stop pretending when you’re with me. Stop putting on all of those masks you have.”
I can feel the heat of tears in the corners of my eye. And if I will not leave this place, all the hardships I have endured to build all of my cover ups would be all put into waste.
I have to leave. I have to escape. I am not ready for another showcasing of my weaknesses.
“Life makes a lot of that stuff we called pain, Jelyka. But it is up to us on how we deal with it. If we keep running from it, we will never find true happiness that lies amidst the pain.”
I know. But I can’t deal with it right now. I just can’t.
One last look towards his direction and I find myself half-running the distance out of the door. Leaving him. Leaving all of my masks behind me.
That’s what I do best ever since I got my heart broken. Running away. From him.
